So, it seems like Sundays are my day to post on my blog. I like to write when the spirit moves me, and I seem to be most moved when I go to church. Says alot for my pastor perhaps, perhaps not....
Here is my big news for the week. I have been appointed as the Marketing and PR person on the CAN (Cure Autism Now) planning committe for a huge 5K walk in October. Now is my time to shine both professionally and personally. What an honor, what a task. I have faith I can get this done. My goal for my team is $2500 between now and October and to build a team of 5. Where am I now...team 1 (me) and funds $0...4 team members to go and $2500 more to raise. I have never been much of a sales person or schmoozer, but I think I'll have to turn on the charm for this one...and I certainly don't mind. I'm excited about this opportunity. So if anybody in the world of the blogosphere is reading a donation of time, treasure and/or talent would be greatly appreciated. Ideas for fundraising and the such are welcomed also.
Today I'm getting some type of rest. Yesterday was the "big Birthday Party" for my little niece. Tons of people, and tons of humilitation from my mom. We have a love hate relationship, but there are times that I wonder why the Lord chose her to be my mother and why despite my efforts the relationship never seems to heal. The wounds of the past keep resurfacing. OH well, I can't change what is and has been. This is one of the situations where I need to learn how to make lemonade with the rotten black lemons I've been given. My mom has done wonderful things for me, but she has done many bad things. Do I rejoice in the good that she does, should I try to help her realize what she has done to me in the past 27 years? I guess for now, I'll just let it go. She will always hurt me, and I will always be the child she never wanted. If she didn't want me why didn't she just give me to somebody who did?
Questions to never be answered.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Sunday's Ramblings...
So today was quite a day....early in the wee hours of the morning I have a wonderful session. Eye opening and insightful on several levels, which I am so thankful for. Slept for a few hours, woke up trying to get to bible study at the special needs group, didn't happen...but I did make it to service at the bible church, which I was much happier about. Kevin is such a great pastor. When I leave I feel spiritually refreshed. I take the scenic route home so I can have time to reflect on what the sermon was about. It was nice to be back with my church family.
Speaking of reflections....there seems to be a common theme in my life both professionally and personally, The Lord has spoken to me through many venues, many people, I NEED TO BUILD AND NUTURE RELATIONSHIPS IN MY LIFE. I can't count the times I've read or heard "build relationships" in the past few weeks....Ok God, I get it, I get it...
I've pondered about so many things lately, its that whole mid 20's crisis I'm dealing with. As the big 3-0 approaches I am trying so hard to get all the missing pieces to my puzzle together. I don't have to have the puzzle completed, just gather up all the pieces and copy the picture on the front of the box...make sense...I know what I want, I just need to get my S*&^t together. Basically finding balance between my passions, my obligations and my ultimate goal.
Speaking of reflections....there seems to be a common theme in my life both professionally and personally, The Lord has spoken to me through many venues, many people, I NEED TO BUILD AND NUTURE RELATIONSHIPS IN MY LIFE. I can't count the times I've read or heard "build relationships" in the past few weeks....Ok God, I get it, I get it...
I've pondered about so many things lately, its that whole mid 20's crisis I'm dealing with. As the big 3-0 approaches I am trying so hard to get all the missing pieces to my puzzle together. I don't have to have the puzzle completed, just gather up all the pieces and copy the picture on the front of the box...make sense...I know what I want, I just need to get my S*&^t together. Basically finding balance between my passions, my obligations and my ultimate goal.
- Passions = Dance & Family (not neccessarily in that order)
- Obligations = Family & Career/Work
- Goal = Relationship with God & Education
In order to do my part in working towards the Glory of the Lord I need to dedicate my time and work hard at every one of the items listed above. Yes, even my dance. Dance because it is a gift that the Lord has granted me. Not that I'm the best or that I can quit my day job and live off of dancing, (although it would be nice to own my own studio that offers any genre of dance), but the fact that I have somewhat of an ability to dance I should cherish this gift. All of the things listed above are gifts. Even the Relationship with God that I am trying to begin. How many people/religions can say they can be in the presence of their Savior whenever they so desire, luckily I can say "ME". How wonderful it is to be driving, or working, or eating and just openly talk to the Lord.
I read in a book recently that we should rejoice and nourish all the gifts that hte Lord has granted us. Her example, imagine that you give somebody a beautiful gift and you wrap the gift in pretty wrapping and a huge bow. The person is so thankful for the gift and just in awe of the beautiful packaging they just put it on the table and admire. Never do they open the box to see the real gift. How sad one would be. Unfortunatly, I can say that I am the receipient of the beautifully packaged gift and the Lord is the giver. How sad he must feel to have given me such a wonderful gift and I haven't even begun to appreciate or discover the real gift that is inside.
So, that's my next adventure...appreciate the REAL gifts the Lord has blessed me with.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Did a blood clot kill Jesus on the cross?
Experts debate scenario for pulmonary embolism
Philippe Antonello / AP
Actor Jim Caviezel, portraying Jesus, is shown nailed to the cross on the set of "The Passion of the Christ" in a publicity photo.
The Associated Press
Updated: 8:15 p.m. ET June 9, 2005
JERUSALEM - Jesus may have died from a blood clot that reached his lungs, an Israeli physician said Wednesday, challenging the popular conception that he died of asphyxiation and blood loss during his crucifixion.
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Dr. Benjamin Brenner, a researcher at the Rambam Medical Center in the Israeli port city of Haifa, said he was publicizing his theory to raise awareness about pulmonary embolism, a potentially fatal disorder often associated with long-distance air travel.
However, the author of an earlier in-depth medical report into the cause of Jesus’ death dismissed the theory, and Bible scholars said that while establishing the physical cause of Jesus’ death was interesting, it ignored the spiritual dimension.
“It is known that the common cause of death in the setting of multiple trauma, immobilization and dehydration is pulmonary embolism,” Brenner wrote in the Journal of Thrombosis and Haemostasis. “This fits well with Jesus’ condition and actually was in all likelihood the major cause of death of crucified victims.”
A pulmonary embolism is caused when a blood clot travels to the lungs, usually from the leg, causing an acute shortness of breath and chest pains. It is frequently fatal.
Based on scripture and scientific papersBrenner based his understanding of Jesus’ condition at the time of his death on a 1986 paper published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which referred to the New Testament and contemporary religious sources.
That paper found that before his crucifixion, Jesus went 12 hours without food or water, was under emotional stress, was beaten and forced to walk to the crucifixion site carrying the heavy cross beam of the cross on which he was crucified. He also was scourged before being nailed to the cross, leading to some blood loss.
Brenner said the authors may have missed the blood clot possibility because it was not fully understood then.
“The field of blood coagulation has gone through significant changes in the past 20 years,” he wrote.
But Dr. William D. Edwards, a co-author of the original paper, dismissed Brenner’s theory, saying he was well aware of the effects of pulmonary embolisms at the time.
“We didn’t list it in our article because we didn’t consider it a likely cause,” Edwards said, replying to questions by e-mail from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. “Jesus was on the cross for only six hours. It seems unlikely that a large deep leg vein thrombus could develop and cause fatal pulmonary embolization in that short time.”
Bible scholars said that focusing on Jesus’ physical suffering as the cause of death missed the point.
“What they are doing is the autopsy of the physical body, which is always interesting from an academic standpoint,” said Stephen Pfann, a Bible scholar in Jerusalem. “But if people concentrate on that part of the event alone they are missing the most important part, which is the spiritual suffering.
“The major trauma for the son of God is the spiritual trauma, the loneliness feeling the rejection of God and the shame of the world that came upon him at that point,” he said.
© 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed
What do you think...interesting mix of Science & religion? People always trying to find logic in faith.
Experts debate scenario for pulmonary embolism
Philippe Antonello / AP
Actor Jim Caviezel, portraying Jesus, is shown nailed to the cross on the set of "The Passion of the Christ" in a publicity photo.
The Associated Press
Updated: 8:15 p.m. ET June 9, 2005
JERUSALEM - Jesus may have died from a blood clot that reached his lungs, an Israeli physician said Wednesday, challenging the popular conception that he died of asphyxiation and blood loss during his crucifixion.
advertisement
Dr. Benjamin Brenner, a researcher at the Rambam Medical Center in the Israeli port city of Haifa, said he was publicizing his theory to raise awareness about pulmonary embolism, a potentially fatal disorder often associated with long-distance air travel.
However, the author of an earlier in-depth medical report into the cause of Jesus’ death dismissed the theory, and Bible scholars said that while establishing the physical cause of Jesus’ death was interesting, it ignored the spiritual dimension.
“It is known that the common cause of death in the setting of multiple trauma, immobilization and dehydration is pulmonary embolism,” Brenner wrote in the Journal of Thrombosis and Haemostasis. “This fits well with Jesus’ condition and actually was in all likelihood the major cause of death of crucified victims.”
A pulmonary embolism is caused when a blood clot travels to the lungs, usually from the leg, causing an acute shortness of breath and chest pains. It is frequently fatal.
Based on scripture and scientific papersBrenner based his understanding of Jesus’ condition at the time of his death on a 1986 paper published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which referred to the New Testament and contemporary religious sources.
That paper found that before his crucifixion, Jesus went 12 hours without food or water, was under emotional stress, was beaten and forced to walk to the crucifixion site carrying the heavy cross beam of the cross on which he was crucified. He also was scourged before being nailed to the cross, leading to some blood loss.
Brenner said the authors may have missed the blood clot possibility because it was not fully understood then.
“The field of blood coagulation has gone through significant changes in the past 20 years,” he wrote.
But Dr. William D. Edwards, a co-author of the original paper, dismissed Brenner’s theory, saying he was well aware of the effects of pulmonary embolisms at the time.
“We didn’t list it in our article because we didn’t consider it a likely cause,” Edwards said, replying to questions by e-mail from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. “Jesus was on the cross for only six hours. It seems unlikely that a large deep leg vein thrombus could develop and cause fatal pulmonary embolization in that short time.”
Bible scholars said that focusing on Jesus’ physical suffering as the cause of death missed the point.
“What they are doing is the autopsy of the physical body, which is always interesting from an academic standpoint,” said Stephen Pfann, a Bible scholar in Jerusalem. “But if people concentrate on that part of the event alone they are missing the most important part, which is the spiritual suffering.
“The major trauma for the son of God is the spiritual trauma, the loneliness feeling the rejection of God and the shame of the world that came upon him at that point,” he said.
© 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed
What do you think...interesting mix of Science & religion? People always trying to find logic in faith.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Gov. Perry Signs Reforms to Protect Vulnerable Children, Adults
Reforms Will Improve Safety Net for Texans at Risk of Abuse and Neglect
SAN ANTONIO – Gov. Rick Perry today signed into law the major overhaul of protective services passed by the Texas legislature, Senate Bill 6. In January, Perry designated protective services reform an emergency issue and put forward strong recommendations for reform, which the legislature largely adopted.
“Today Texas is taking a significant step to restore hope to our most vulnerable citizens by mending our protective services safety net for children and adults at risk for abuse or neglect,” Perry said. “I am proud to sign Senate Bill 6 into law because it will put thousands of new protective service workers on the job who will be better trained, better compensated and better focused on the primary mission of protecting the vulnerable.”
Perry noted that at CPS, salaries will go up, and caseloads will go down by 40 percent. The amount of time spent on paperwork will be slashed by 58 percent and investigators will be free to spend 38 percent more time with children and families. APS workers will see caseloads drop to an average of 28 per month and a new education incentive program will help more employees develop advanced skills.
“Simply put, these reforms will save lives and ensure that every Texan can live a life of dignity,” Perry said. “And I am proud to put my name on a bill that will renew hope for those who have lost it as a result of neglect and abuse.”
Perry also noted that the reforms invest more in technology and provide caseworkers with digital cameras and tablet computers. These new tools will enable caseworkers to quickly assess whether a person is in danger and get them help as soon as possible. The reform measures also increase the number of support staff to help with administrative work so that investigators will be free to focus more attention on at risk children and adults.
“By improving management and oversight, and by establishing lines of authority that are clearer and tied to strict accountability, these reforms will ensure that investigators and caseworkers have the tools and help they need to protect the lives of those at risk of abuse, neglect and lasting harm,” Perry said.
Once again proof of how wonderful our Governor is!
SAN ANTONIO – Gov. Rick Perry today signed into law the major overhaul of protective services passed by the Texas legislature, Senate Bill 6. In January, Perry designated protective services reform an emergency issue and put forward strong recommendations for reform, which the legislature largely adopted.
“Today Texas is taking a significant step to restore hope to our most vulnerable citizens by mending our protective services safety net for children and adults at risk for abuse or neglect,” Perry said. “I am proud to sign Senate Bill 6 into law because it will put thousands of new protective service workers on the job who will be better trained, better compensated and better focused on the primary mission of protecting the vulnerable.”
Perry noted that at CPS, salaries will go up, and caseloads will go down by 40 percent. The amount of time spent on paperwork will be slashed by 58 percent and investigators will be free to spend 38 percent more time with children and families. APS workers will see caseloads drop to an average of 28 per month and a new education incentive program will help more employees develop advanced skills.
“Simply put, these reforms will save lives and ensure that every Texan can live a life of dignity,” Perry said. “And I am proud to put my name on a bill that will renew hope for those who have lost it as a result of neglect and abuse.”
Perry also noted that the reforms invest more in technology and provide caseworkers with digital cameras and tablet computers. These new tools will enable caseworkers to quickly assess whether a person is in danger and get them help as soon as possible. The reform measures also increase the number of support staff to help with administrative work so that investigators will be free to focus more attention on at risk children and adults.
“By improving management and oversight, and by establishing lines of authority that are clearer and tied to strict accountability, these reforms will ensure that investigators and caseworkers have the tools and help they need to protect the lives of those at risk of abuse, neglect and lasting harm,” Perry said.
Once again proof of how wonderful our Governor is!
Gov. Rick Perry Signs Parental Consent Bill
Also Ceremonially Signs Constitutional Amendment Defining Marriage
FORT WORTH - Gov. Rick Perry today signed into law a bill that strengthens parental rights by giving parents the right to consent before their minor daughters can have an abortion.
"Today we are laying down a significant marker in the effort to create a culture of life by protecting those who can't protect themselves, by giving voice to the voiceless who yearn for life," Perry said.
He also ceremonially signed a constitutional amendment that will define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, if voters approve the measure on the November ballot.
"History tells us, and most Texans believe, that marriage exists for more than the convenience of consenting adults, but also for the eternal benefit of our children," Perry said of the constitutional amendment.
In signing the parental consent bill, Perry said, "It has been a tragedy of unspeakable consequences that, for decades, activist courts denied many Texas parents their right to be involved in one of the most important decision their young daughter could ever make: whether to end the life that was growing inside her."
Perry noted that some have tried to rationalize abortion by concluding that a child is not involved - even though a heartbeat can be detected just weeks after conception - or that abortion is merely a medical procedure without life and death consequences or lasting emotional scars.
"Such rationalization severs our nation loose from the moorings our founding fathers created when they declared more than two centuries ago that the right to life is first among mankind's unalienable right," Perry added. "Because of it, an entire generation of unborn children have been forever lost to the tragedy of abortion."
Perry also noted that although the U.S. Supreme court legalized abortion, that decision does not mean abortions occur without consequence. "And certainly most of us can agree, when it is a child making such a weighty life and death decision, parents should be involved to provide proper guidance," he said.
"For years we have not allowed a minor to get a tattoo or to receive an aspirin from a school nurse without parental permission. Should we not apply the same standard to such a life and death decision such as abortion?"
The Parental Notification Act that Perry helped pass as Lieutenant Governor has helped reduce abortions 26 percent among girls under the age of 18. Still, more than 3,500 minor girls in Texas still chose to have an abortion as recently as 2003.
"While parents were notified, in none of those cases was a parent allowed to intervene to save the life of their unborn grandchild or to save their daughter from what often leads to a lifetime of regret and heartache," Perry said.
In ceremonially signing the resolution that will go before voters to define marriage, Perry said that despite the protests of "a vocal minority, the vast majority of people in Texas and across this nation believe that marriage is a sacred institution between one man and one woman."
To date, 45 states have passed laws to define and protect marriage, and two years ago Perry signed into law Texas' Defense of Marriage Act.
"But in recent years, we have seen Defense of Marriage laws in other states - and indeed the institution of marriage itself - come under attack by those who want to redefine society's institutions," Perry said, adding that activist judges have used their positions "as a platform to advance a narrow agenda in utter opposition to the law of the land and the views of the majority."
"These actions have brought legal uncertainty to an issue upon which the people are anything but uncertain," he added. "And more than that, these acts have posed a direct threat to the institution that is the very bedrock of society and the laws designed to protect that institution in states like Texas."
Bella Donna - We do have a great state!
FORT WORTH - Gov. Rick Perry today signed into law a bill that strengthens parental rights by giving parents the right to consent before their minor daughters can have an abortion.
"Today we are laying down a significant marker in the effort to create a culture of life by protecting those who can't protect themselves, by giving voice to the voiceless who yearn for life," Perry said.
He also ceremonially signed a constitutional amendment that will define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, if voters approve the measure on the November ballot.
"History tells us, and most Texans believe, that marriage exists for more than the convenience of consenting adults, but also for the eternal benefit of our children," Perry said of the constitutional amendment.
In signing the parental consent bill, Perry said, "It has been a tragedy of unspeakable consequences that, for decades, activist courts denied many Texas parents their right to be involved in one of the most important decision their young daughter could ever make: whether to end the life that was growing inside her."
Perry noted that some have tried to rationalize abortion by concluding that a child is not involved - even though a heartbeat can be detected just weeks after conception - or that abortion is merely a medical procedure without life and death consequences or lasting emotional scars.
"Such rationalization severs our nation loose from the moorings our founding fathers created when they declared more than two centuries ago that the right to life is first among mankind's unalienable right," Perry added. "Because of it, an entire generation of unborn children have been forever lost to the tragedy of abortion."
Perry also noted that although the U.S. Supreme court legalized abortion, that decision does not mean abortions occur without consequence. "And certainly most of us can agree, when it is a child making such a weighty life and death decision, parents should be involved to provide proper guidance," he said.
"For years we have not allowed a minor to get a tattoo or to receive an aspirin from a school nurse without parental permission. Should we not apply the same standard to such a life and death decision such as abortion?"
The Parental Notification Act that Perry helped pass as Lieutenant Governor has helped reduce abortions 26 percent among girls under the age of 18. Still, more than 3,500 minor girls in Texas still chose to have an abortion as recently as 2003.
"While parents were notified, in none of those cases was a parent allowed to intervene to save the life of their unborn grandchild or to save their daughter from what often leads to a lifetime of regret and heartache," Perry said.
In ceremonially signing the resolution that will go before voters to define marriage, Perry said that despite the protests of "a vocal minority, the vast majority of people in Texas and across this nation believe that marriage is a sacred institution between one man and one woman."
To date, 45 states have passed laws to define and protect marriage, and two years ago Perry signed into law Texas' Defense of Marriage Act.
"But in recent years, we have seen Defense of Marriage laws in other states - and indeed the institution of marriage itself - come under attack by those who want to redefine society's institutions," Perry said, adding that activist judges have used their positions "as a platform to advance a narrow agenda in utter opposition to the law of the land and the views of the majority."
"These actions have brought legal uncertainty to an issue upon which the people are anything but uncertain," he added. "And more than that, these acts have posed a direct threat to the institution that is the very bedrock of society and the laws designed to protect that institution in states like Texas."
Bella Donna - We do have a great state!
Texas House Approves Suggestive Cheerleading Ban
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
STORIES
•
Christian Schools Clean Up Cheerleading
•
Transcript: Will Texas Ban Sexy Cheerleading?
•
Putting a Stop to Sexy Cheerleading
•
Texas Lawmaker Wants End to 'Sexy Cheerleading'
•
Firing of Christian Cheerleading Coach Upheld
AUSTIN, Texas — After an alternately comic and fiery debate — punctuated by several lawmakers waving pompons — the state House on Tuesday approved a bill to restrict "overtly sexually suggestive" cheerleading to more ladylike performances.
The bill would give the state education commissioner authority to request that school districts review high school performances.
"Girls can get out and do all of these overly sexually performances and we applaud them and that's not right," said Democratic Rep. Al Edwards (search), who filed the legislation.
Edwards argued bawdy performances are a distraction for students resulting in pregnancies, dropouts and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
Ribald performances are not defined in the bill. "Any adult that's been involved with sex in their lives, they know it when they see it," he said.
The bill passed on a 65-56 vote. It still must be approved by the Senate and signed by Republican Gov. Rick Perry.
One critic questioned the legislation's priorities.
"Have we done anything about stem cell research to help people who are dying and are sick advance their health? No," said Democratic Rep. Senfronia Thompson (search). "Have we done anything about the mentally ill, school finance or ethics?"
ONly in TX would legislation be so concerned about cheerleading being suggestive! GO SENFRONIA THOMPSON!!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
STORIES
•
Christian Schools Clean Up Cheerleading
•
Transcript: Will Texas Ban Sexy Cheerleading?
•
Putting a Stop to Sexy Cheerleading
•
Texas Lawmaker Wants End to 'Sexy Cheerleading'
•
Firing of Christian Cheerleading Coach Upheld
AUSTIN, Texas — After an alternately comic and fiery debate — punctuated by several lawmakers waving pompons — the state House on Tuesday approved a bill to restrict "overtly sexually suggestive" cheerleading to more ladylike performances.
The bill would give the state education commissioner authority to request that school districts review high school performances.
"Girls can get out and do all of these overly sexually performances and we applaud them and that's not right," said Democratic Rep. Al Edwards (search), who filed the legislation.
Edwards argued bawdy performances are a distraction for students resulting in pregnancies, dropouts and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
Ribald performances are not defined in the bill. "Any adult that's been involved with sex in their lives, they know it when they see it," he said.
The bill passed on a 65-56 vote. It still must be approved by the Senate and signed by Republican Gov. Rick Perry.
One critic questioned the legislation's priorities.
"Have we done anything about stem cell research to help people who are dying and are sick advance their health? No," said Democratic Rep. Senfronia Thompson (search). "Have we done anything about the mentally ill, school finance or ethics?"
ONly in TX would legislation be so concerned about cheerleading being suggestive! GO SENFRONIA THOMPSON!!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
The COOPER chapter has been closed!
FINALLY...closure on this situation. Belladonna posted a while back that I needed to stop putting forth so much energy & emotion on this. Bella donna you are wise beyond your years.
HISTORY OF THE SITUATION...After a wonderful bible study session a few weeks ago I didn't hear back from Rob. I called once to say hello. Knowing that baseball season is in full swing I figured he wouldn't be available. This was good though, I was sick, the kids have been under the weather and I've been a nervous wreck preparing for belly dance class. Not a huge surprise to not hear back from him. Yesterday my sis finally decided to enroll her son in baseball lessons...which I bought for him back in December...impecible timing Monica....anyhow, she can't get him scheduled with Rob so she asks me to call him to see when he will return to coaching. I call, the conversation is short, I was a little rude, felt bad, but got the information I needed. I called today to apologize for my shortness and rudeness. We talk a little - just general chit chat, (kids, work, etc.) - he apologizes throughout the conversation for not calling. Finally, he tells me that he doesn't want to be involved in a relationship that is only based on one thing and that it has been his fault that it has ended up that way. Once again another apology. Apology is not going to fix this hurt....that comment has brought up deep rooted pain. Once again my world is shooken up.
My REACTION...I felt hurt, dirty, and bad.
HISTORY OF THE SITUATION...After a wonderful bible study session a few weeks ago I didn't hear back from Rob. I called once to say hello. Knowing that baseball season is in full swing I figured he wouldn't be available. This was good though, I was sick, the kids have been under the weather and I've been a nervous wreck preparing for belly dance class. Not a huge surprise to not hear back from him. Yesterday my sis finally decided to enroll her son in baseball lessons...which I bought for him back in December...impecible timing Monica....anyhow, she can't get him scheduled with Rob so she asks me to call him to see when he will return to coaching. I call, the conversation is short, I was a little rude, felt bad, but got the information I needed. I called today to apologize for my shortness and rudeness. We talk a little - just general chit chat, (kids, work, etc.) - he apologizes throughout the conversation for not calling. Finally, he tells me that he doesn't want to be involved in a relationship that is only based on one thing and that it has been his fault that it has ended up that way. Once again another apology. Apology is not going to fix this hurt....that comment has brought up deep rooted pain. Once again my world is shooken up.
My REACTION...I felt hurt, dirty, and bad.
- Hurt that I have poured my heart and soul and energy into something that has ended up like I didn't want it to, not that I was ready for the alter but I wanted to end on a note much different than past realtionships that started out in a smoky bar.
- Dirty because that is not what I walked into the relationship doing. I always felt remorseful for crossing the line the few times it happened, but somehow or another the actions were "justified"...I should feel flattered that I was "wanted". That is not how I ever wanted to be desired. HELLO MEN OF THE WORLD I have a mind too.
- Bad because once again I was toyed with.
- Bad because somebody who is a strong Christian sees me as a bad influence. What did I do? What did I not do? I tried my best to keep us on the right track, it wasn't enough obviously.
Oh, well, I prayed for almost a year for clarity regarding this situation. I prayed that the Lord would make this situation crystal clear to me. That if he wanted this to continue that we would grow closer and stronger in His word. That if this was not what he wanted for me that he would rip him out of my life just as suddenly as He had Robert fall into my life. My prayers have been answered.
all I can say now is that I will continue to pray for Rob, his children and his health. I am so very thankful that the Lord blessed me with the gift of his friendship especially since he taught me about the bible and was able to point me in the right direction. I am blessed to have somebody like that in my life, the story of his struggles with a debilitating disease yet he still takes advantage of every moment that he has to utilize the muscles that he still can use. More active than myself, young & healthy. What an inspiration. I think I should start running again. If he could do it, I certainly can. I enjoyed it and Rob made me realize how much of a blessing it is for me to still possess youth and health. www.robertsamericancafe.blogspot.com
Ok, finally no more guessing, now comes the peace and acceptance of this situation. Hopefully, this is the last post about Robert G. Cooper.
Post from XANGA
This was a little post to somebody's XANGA site. The person I posted this to probably never read it. Oh well. XANGA is Much like blogger, but cooler, in my opinion....
There will always be somebody who will complain or disagree. I can somewhat see all sides of the fence being a parent, instructor and a student. As a parent, yes, I have often times disagreed with some of the teachers' methods. Namely, my oldest son's teacher insisted on calling him by his legal name when for the past 4 years we have called him by his nickname. I explained to the teacher that I chose to call him by his nickname because of legal complications with his father, etc. etc. She never listened, so I gave in. The kicker is that my child is Autistic, so he's already got transition issues, not to mention that she insists on calling him what she wants to. I gave in, it wasn't worth the fight to disrupt my child's education over something trivial. If I would have pushed it, sure, I would get my way, but as long as she was educating him, that's all that mattered to me. In the end, yes, I still call him by his nickname, but agreeing with her made the school year run more smoothly.
As a student, you should be ready to accept what comes your way. Then again, ages ago, in HS, that wasn't quite easy. That is the whole point of learning, is to absorb others opinions and interpretations on a subject. Yes, so right, I would never ask my family about sex and the such, it was just taboo. Even after having a family of my own, I think my mom is in denial of the fact that I know about s-e-x. Wow, I'm the only other female who has experienced immaculate conception! As a student, yes, I don't like what some professors say, but I also want my education.
I m probably tons more liberal than any parents at your school, but as time progresses I see that if I don't want my kids to see or hear bad things I should put them in a bubble. If kids don't see or hear things at school, there is worse on TV (Paris Hilton & BK), the internet and more. Once college rolls around, watch out, just being on campus is an eye opener. Limiting students prepares them for culture shock of the real world. Oh well, some people will remain as they are.
One final comment, I know that it is painful to have something that you pursue with complete ardour and passion criticized. As an instructor I put my mind, body, heart & soul on the line each time I walk into a studio or on a stage. I learned the hard way. Now, I know that dancing cannot be my bread & butter but it still hurts when a student drops or cancels a class because of me or my performance is criticized. Teaching I think is a love or hate thing. Everybody wants to be loved by all, but not everybody will embrace our beauty. Our diversity is what makes the world go round. I love what I do and do what I love that's why God has blessed each of us with the gifts and trials of our lives. Best of luck to you!
There will always be somebody who will complain or disagree. I can somewhat see all sides of the fence being a parent, instructor and a student. As a parent, yes, I have often times disagreed with some of the teachers' methods. Namely, my oldest son's teacher insisted on calling him by his legal name when for the past 4 years we have called him by his nickname. I explained to the teacher that I chose to call him by his nickname because of legal complications with his father, etc. etc. She never listened, so I gave in. The kicker is that my child is Autistic, so he's already got transition issues, not to mention that she insists on calling him what she wants to. I gave in, it wasn't worth the fight to disrupt my child's education over something trivial. If I would have pushed it, sure, I would get my way, but as long as she was educating him, that's all that mattered to me. In the end, yes, I still call him by his nickname, but agreeing with her made the school year run more smoothly.
As a student, you should be ready to accept what comes your way. Then again, ages ago, in HS, that wasn't quite easy. That is the whole point of learning, is to absorb others opinions and interpretations on a subject. Yes, so right, I would never ask my family about sex and the such, it was just taboo. Even after having a family of my own, I think my mom is in denial of the fact that I know about s-e-x. Wow, I'm the only other female who has experienced immaculate conception! As a student, yes, I don't like what some professors say, but I also want my education.
I m probably tons more liberal than any parents at your school, but as time progresses I see that if I don't want my kids to see or hear bad things I should put them in a bubble. If kids don't see or hear things at school, there is worse on TV (Paris Hilton & BK), the internet and more. Once college rolls around, watch out, just being on campus is an eye opener. Limiting students prepares them for culture shock of the real world. Oh well, some people will remain as they are.
One final comment, I know that it is painful to have something that you pursue with complete ardour and passion criticized. As an instructor I put my mind, body, heart & soul on the line each time I walk into a studio or on a stage. I learned the hard way. Now, I know that dancing cannot be my bread & butter but it still hurts when a student drops or cancels a class because of me or my performance is criticized. Teaching I think is a love or hate thing. Everybody wants to be loved by all, but not everybody will embrace our beauty. Our diversity is what makes the world go round. I love what I do and do what I love that's why God has blessed each of us with the gifts and trials of our lives. Best of luck to you!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Focus, Focus
Not that anybody's been reading lately but if you do, sorry I haven 't posted. I've been terribly busy. Aside from in typical stuff I deal with daily, I've been taking on the extra chore of being focused.
Focusing more on my spiritual life, focusing on my children, focusing on work. So I should rephrase the aforementioned because being focused is not a chore, it is an acquired skill to say the least. Especially when we speak of our spiritual life, this is the relationship that truely matters. Our spiritual growth is what completes our circle in life, connects what we have here on this earth to how we will live when we leave this earth.
Being focused on my children is not a chore either, once again, another lesson or set of lessons to be learned. Also ties in to the spiritual growth issue. God can take my little ones away from me in heartbeat, at the snap of my fingers. As much as I love those little guys they are only here temporarily, as if God is just lending them to me. They are only little once and I must cherish every moment of their youth. Yes, it tends to be taxing to have my little ducklings all follow me every where, at every moment but I think I'm starting to rejoice in their differences as well as their good qualities. Trey's autism has taught me patience and nuturing. Spencer's anger has taught me how to love till it hurts....that saying kill 'em with kindness, that is the essence of our relationship. Spencer has taught me how to laugh and smell the roses. Mila is a total doll, she's funny like Spencer, sweet & innocent like Trey and a determined, strong willed little lady. Seeing her makes me realize that we all have a fighter within. That girl is 25 lbs of pure energy and strength-nothing and nobody stands in her way. And just like a southern girl...always with a sweet smile that melts your heart.
Last but not least, focusing on work. Gotta eat...gotta work. I may not have the dream job, but the Lord has opened this door for me for some reason. Whether I am hired as a permanent fixture there or I move on, I will always appreciate filling the fridge up with cokes and making copies, etc. As "director of first impressions" I know that my little contribution makes up for the whole. Excellence is always expected at this place, but it always feels good to be part of the excellent product that is a result of those high expectations. I know already in the few short months there that I have been motivated to do more, fill my cup more, shall we say, and not settle for a 1/2 filled cup. This motivation has opened my eyes to accept & reject things in my life I might otherwise would have not.
All in all, it is the perfect plan of God that has me in the position that I am in right now. He has placed the tools there for me....job, home, friends, family, children, car....to have a content life here on earth. Its up to me to cherish and take care of the gifts I ahve been granted. Its up to me to live an excellent life to express my utmost gratitude for having yet another sunrise, another debt, another breath, another trial.
ok, i got a little side tracked, but I will write more later.
Focusing more on my spiritual life, focusing on my children, focusing on work. So I should rephrase the aforementioned because being focused is not a chore, it is an acquired skill to say the least. Especially when we speak of our spiritual life, this is the relationship that truely matters. Our spiritual growth is what completes our circle in life, connects what we have here on this earth to how we will live when we leave this earth.
Being focused on my children is not a chore either, once again, another lesson or set of lessons to be learned. Also ties in to the spiritual growth issue. God can take my little ones away from me in heartbeat, at the snap of my fingers. As much as I love those little guys they are only here temporarily, as if God is just lending them to me. They are only little once and I must cherish every moment of their youth. Yes, it tends to be taxing to have my little ducklings all follow me every where, at every moment but I think I'm starting to rejoice in their differences as well as their good qualities. Trey's autism has taught me patience and nuturing. Spencer's anger has taught me how to love till it hurts....that saying kill 'em with kindness, that is the essence of our relationship. Spencer has taught me how to laugh and smell the roses. Mila is a total doll, she's funny like Spencer, sweet & innocent like Trey and a determined, strong willed little lady. Seeing her makes me realize that we all have a fighter within. That girl is 25 lbs of pure energy and strength-nothing and nobody stands in her way. And just like a southern girl...always with a sweet smile that melts your heart.
Last but not least, focusing on work. Gotta eat...gotta work. I may not have the dream job, but the Lord has opened this door for me for some reason. Whether I am hired as a permanent fixture there or I move on, I will always appreciate filling the fridge up with cokes and making copies, etc. As "director of first impressions" I know that my little contribution makes up for the whole. Excellence is always expected at this place, but it always feels good to be part of the excellent product that is a result of those high expectations. I know already in the few short months there that I have been motivated to do more, fill my cup more, shall we say, and not settle for a 1/2 filled cup. This motivation has opened my eyes to accept & reject things in my life I might otherwise would have not.
All in all, it is the perfect plan of God that has me in the position that I am in right now. He has placed the tools there for me....job, home, friends, family, children, car....to have a content life here on earth. Its up to me to cherish and take care of the gifts I ahve been granted. Its up to me to live an excellent life to express my utmost gratitude for having yet another sunrise, another debt, another breath, another trial.
ok, i got a little side tracked, but I will write more later.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Getting Closer
Why is it that when we are on our journey towards Christ, things get tumultous....
why am I $70 short of loosing everything I own?
why am I too sick to read the bible and other spiritual readings so that I may become fulfilled?
why is my family condemning me for attending a bible based church?
why is my family hard on me aobut my situation?
when one door has opened for me this week, about 5 others have shut. Why is this?
Trey is fine, I'm still sick. I have my 1st dance class tomorrow and I am scared out of my wits about it. wish me luck.
why am I $70 short of loosing everything I own?
why am I too sick to read the bible and other spiritual readings so that I may become fulfilled?
why is my family condemning me for attending a bible based church?
why is my family hard on me aobut my situation?
when one door has opened for me this week, about 5 others have shut. Why is this?
Trey is fine, I'm still sick. I have my 1st dance class tomorrow and I am scared out of my wits about it. wish me luck.
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