Ok, here we go

This is my blog to post my inner thoughts, ideas, etc. This is my way of screaming at the top of my lungs on top of a mountain!

I have a dilema right now. Its not really even a dillema, just a mystery that will never be solved-the opposite sex. I have been involved with the most wonderful man for many months now. He is my prince charming; handsome, witty, athletic, zealous, cultured and most of all very spiritual. Doesn't he sound perfect? Well step back because I saw him 1st!

As many Christians, he is very conflicted in his ways and words. Not to say that he is a hypocryte, he's just conflicted; can't define it in words just through examples. I am certain many of my postings will be about my frustration or admiration towards him.

I have come to realize that men, regardless of age, are all basically the same. Like a rainbow there are many different colors but within those colors there is a whole spectrum of shades in between. Since my last relationship that lasted many years I have been involved with a few other men (if you can call them that). Like I said same yet different. All the same because they all have the ego issue. Different because they each have a slight variation on how they handle or face adversity.

The long term guy decided to run away from reality and delve into fictional characters. Even our intimate relationship consisted of much roll playing. To this day, he still can't face reality. Now he's turned to anti-depressants. I'm not knocking it, but when you have no bills, no job yet a roof over your head and food on the table what do you have to be depressed about. We discussed Jesus, religion and the such. My heart leaped to hear that finally, he had something positive in his life. In the 10 years we were together he stepped into the church a handful of times kick & screaming. I thought he would melt at the doors of the church. Upon approaching Long Term Guy about the meds, my idea is that if you have accepted Christ into your life you don't need meds. His response-It's God's plan for me to take pills.

Then there was "Animal". If you remember the Sesame Street character that was all red with crazy, fuzy, hair that ran around and screamed...that was what I was dealing with. I could have a complete conversation with this person and the next day he would not have the slightest recollection of what we had discussed. Sobriety was rare. I think all the chemical abuse burnt too many of his brain cells that normal conversation was not possible. It took a while to shake that one off but eventually I got it all out of my system.

Next was "Bruiser". His solution to everything was intimidation and knuckle sandwiches. If I questioned anything he said, I was accused of being untrusting. Supposedly a college graduate that was working as a grease monkey-yeah right. Luckily, I followed my instincts on that one and moved along very quickly before I had to eat one of those knuckle sandwhiches.

The "Sweetie" was next. We were so infatuated with the idea of infatuation I don't think we were thinking straight. We remain very good friends with lots in common but nothing would have progressed from here.

Here and now is "Prince Charming". Once somebody told me that men & friends are like shopping at a flea market-you have to go through a lot of junk before you find a good buy. Isn't there another saying, all that shines is not gold? I think this is case in point. As I rambled on previously, you can see that I have weeded through much junk. Now, here is a diamond that I'm thinking may be Cubic Zirconia. When we are together I have his complete & total attention. When we are not, it is out of sight out of mind. I am a firm believer in actions speak louder than words. You can say what you want but when the going gets tough who is there to help you. When I was sick & went to the hospital I didn't get a call from him until the next week. It took 4 months of going out to finally have him commit to the fact that we are "dating". Yes, our schedules are quite busy, but consideration for others doesn't take but a second. My "Prince" will disappear for a week and when he decides to call back I'm not supposed to be upset. My frustration is that I don't want to lose a wonderful person who has taught me so much. I know that this will go nowhere because of certain situations in each others lives. I'm not one who's got men lined up knocking down her door but I'm not destined to a life of solitude either. Its nice to have the company of a chivilarous man. Its sweet to dream but the reality is that flags are going up. At this stage in my life I don't have the time, patience, or energy to waste. At times Prince Charming plays games with me. and as all Christians know, there is always that conflict between the right thing and what we want to do. What is acceptible, where is that line crossed? If we accept Christ into our lives shouldn't the answers be just there in our hands? They have so many books about the right way to pray or the right way to lead a Christian life. The Bible tells us how to do that, right? What gives these people the authority to direct us down their path. Oh well, I guess I'll never have the answer.