HISTORY OF THE SITUATION...After a wonderful bible study session a few weeks ago I didn't hear back from Rob. I called once to say hello. Knowing that baseball season is in full swing I figured he wouldn't be available. This was good though, I was sick, the kids have been under the weather and I've been a nervous wreck preparing for belly dance class. Not a huge surprise to not hear back from him. Yesterday my sis finally decided to enroll her son in baseball lessons...which I bought for him back in December...impecible timing Monica....anyhow, she can't get him scheduled with Rob so she asks me to call him to see when he will return to coaching. I call, the conversation is short, I was a little rude, felt bad, but got the information I needed. I called today to apologize for my shortness and rudeness. We talk a little - just general chit chat, (kids, work, etc.) - he apologizes throughout the conversation for not calling. Finally, he tells me that he doesn't want to be involved in a relationship that is only based on one thing and that it has been his fault that it has ended up that way. Once again another apology. Apology is not going to fix this hurt....that comment has brought up deep rooted pain. Once again my world is shooken up.
My REACTION...I felt hurt, dirty, and bad.
- Hurt that I have poured my heart and soul and energy into something that has ended up like I didn't want it to, not that I was ready for the alter but I wanted to end on a note much different than past realtionships that started out in a smoky bar.
- Dirty because that is not what I walked into the relationship doing. I always felt remorseful for crossing the line the few times it happened, but somehow or another the actions were "justified"...I should feel flattered that I was "wanted". That is not how I ever wanted to be desired. HELLO MEN OF THE WORLD I have a mind too.
- Bad because once again I was toyed with.
- Bad because somebody who is a strong Christian sees me as a bad influence. What did I do? What did I not do? I tried my best to keep us on the right track, it wasn't enough obviously.
Oh, well, I prayed for almost a year for clarity regarding this situation. I prayed that the Lord would make this situation crystal clear to me. That if he wanted this to continue that we would grow closer and stronger in His word. That if this was not what he wanted for me that he would rip him out of my life just as suddenly as He had Robert fall into my life. My prayers have been answered.
all I can say now is that I will continue to pray for Rob, his children and his health. I am so very thankful that the Lord blessed me with the gift of his friendship especially since he taught me about the bible and was able to point me in the right direction. I am blessed to have somebody like that in my life, the story of his struggles with a debilitating disease yet he still takes advantage of every moment that he has to utilize the muscles that he still can use. More active than myself, young & healthy. What an inspiration. I think I should start running again. If he could do it, I certainly can. I enjoyed it and Rob made me realize how much of a blessing it is for me to still possess youth and health. www.robertsamericancafe.blogspot.com
Ok, finally no more guessing, now comes the peace and acceptance of this situation. Hopefully, this is the last post about Robert G. Cooper.
4 comments:
So ya end it by linking to his blog huh? I just want to laugh. But I feel that would not be a good thing.
Go ahead laugh...I'm laughing too...
Good now that you have your icon on blogger we can finally see eye to eye. ;)
Ok, we need to talk girl. I just realized that I know the guy you're talking about. I've met him.
The world really IS a small place....
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