Masochist

Ok, I probably spelled it all wrong, but whatever. So, I like to inflict pain to myself I've realized. I am posting to my blog when quite obviously I should be on the internet looking for a job. Hello, Mere, priorities. I checked out some blogs today that I tend to frequent (belladonna...where are you?) and posted happy thoughts I'm radiating right now. Then, the masochist in me decided to check out dear you know who's blog. I don't know why I do that...he hadn't posted since February when he dropped the bomb..."oh yeah, by the way, I have MD" but I just check every so often to see how he's doing...why, he never posts, but I do it anyhow. He posted late last month, nothing major, just a short blurb. Makes me sad. But I did pray that if he wasn't meant to be then he shouldn't be in my life. Sure enough, prayer answered! Don't know why I miss him, probably because it was somebody to go out with occassionally that didn't care about my situation(s).

once, again, focus...priorities....Robert doesn't matter any more. I don't matter to him so why should I care. I don't understand the ways of the world and this whole Christianity thing. I'm supposed to care, but in this case I'm not supposed to because it will harm me (according to family and those who appear concerned about me). I care too much but trying not to. Oh well.

I hate that almost 2 months later I'm still pining over that man! The whole relationship lasted a total of 11 months, is it going to take me that long to get over it?

Just like my pen pal from High School. I was over it, moved along, and then when the chapter is closed there is continuation. closed again, somebody wants to re-open, in one way or another. Why does that dude keep popping up in my life again and again and again. There is nothing at all that we can gain from one another, but he is still popping up, be it a month later, a year later, even like 5 years later. Why?

I have a job interview today. We shall see what comes of this! Wish me luck.