"The choice is yours -- either stay buried in the rubble of past hurt, rejection, and doubt or let it go and give the actual experiences of your life a chance to build a new idea of what can be."
I read that from some site while I was surfing today. Totally moved me to write today.
Slowly but surely, the Lord is opening my eyes. Another blogger mentioned bondage in their life and it reminded me of a book I read a while back, or I should say, started reading, (I never finished it) entitled He Came to Set the Captives Free by Dr. Rebecca Brown. It spoke of bondage and spiritual warfare. I think that is what I may be going through. In my head I know what is right but I am having difficulty having my heart follow through & believe it. Aparently I have some bondage to some material or emotional issue that I thought I had let go but I can't.
The spiritual warfare thing, its like I can almost feel a force pulling me back. Just before I go to sleep on Saturday I start thinking about what I need to do in the am to prepare for church. Then, Sunday morning, Spencer will get sick, Mila will get sick in the car, the weather will be really bad, something will hold me back from service. Sounds strange, but this is the 1st time in my life that I have on my own accord desired to get closer to the Lord, maybe I'm seeing things differently.
Back to the aforementioned quote...
One thing I struggle with is trust. I feel I can't trust some family members, friends, co-workers, etc. Relationships in general are a difficult thing for everybody. Yes, people have hurt me terribly in the past and I can carry each memory with me bitterly or I can let it go and live today.
I think that I have done a good job of it despite my situation. I have come to terms regarding Trey's Autism by embracing the condition and fighting back with knowledge and education of what is to come. My living arangements could be better, I could have better money and my kids could have their father in their lives. Education and prayer are all I have and nobody can take that away from me. Like I said, despite the baggage I carry, I have done a pretty good job of carrying on. Life has given me TONS of lemons, I don't have lemonade yet, but i'm getting there.
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Ok, I'm not a sage, nor a muse, but I thought it sounded cool. Just me rambling about life! Let me hear about it.
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2 comments:
Yeah finding that x-factor that keeps one in bondage is the key factor. For me I think I know what it is or a series of things. But I am starting to belive its just me and my self focused life. Where I never really have ha to think of others as I have only had myself to think of for so long. So I do think its me and my selfishness that holds me back from where I want to be or go. That's why I pray more for selfLESS so that I can really think of others even more than I do.
Then there are past relationships that I too hurt from. And I have made amends with one of them. One of them I felt that I hurt. ANd now I can move on from that. But the hardest one is the relationship with my mother. Who lies alot and did not want to be in her sons lives in any way and decided to give up a 10 and 8 year old to run off to FLorida with her new husband.
Now the closer I have drawn towards god and understanding his grace, the easier it has become for me to forgive. I may never be able to trust her again, but its better to forgive and not trust. That way I can move one and hopefully let all the pain and sorrow go.
Then the closer I draw to God the more I want his relationship and less the ones of this world, and more of the ones that are in Christ I want more of.
Some relationships are well not worth it, others can scar for a life. But with God his laws and rules are rather simple. Once you accept him and come to understand Grace, all you do is based on relationwships in christ, towards christ, by christ, is christ.
The world of man is laws laws laws and the world of God is relationships. And that brings me comfort...when I let it.
Hey there Meredith! First of all, I LOVE the new template! It's so sophisticated and sleek! Totally digging it.
Secondly, I think everyone knows something or other about the bondage you were talking about. I, myself, went through 18 years in a destructive, hurtful and manipulative "denomination"(I put that in quotes because I usually call it a cult, as do many other people that have been through it) and am just now getting out of the black hole that consumes you while you're in it. "Seeing the light" actually happens! ;)
The Bible (in Corinthians and Galatians) specifically says over and over and over that He(Christ) FREED US from our bondage. The law was bondage. The traditions were bondage. The ceremonies and sacrifices were bondage. Our own thoughts were bondage! And once we realize that Christ came to save us, yes, but to FREE US too----to let us have a wonderful, fulfilled life in Him------we will grow like we've never imagined in the Lord.
I'm sure you already know this quite well, but I had to say it for my own benefit too.
You are such an amazing woman Meredith. What you go through everyday with your kids and stuff-----it's phenomenal. You will be rewarded in heaven for your sacrifices here.
Hope you are not discouraged. Keep trying to go to church! It's the devil trying to discourage and frustrate you when things come up like that on Saturday and Sunday. Don't be dissuaded.
Love----
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