I'm back...

***let me start by appologizing for the previous post. bella - it appears that I too am technologically challenged, my post was much longer but 1/2 of it didn't appear??? What's up with that blogger people?? Anyhow, I sounded stupid & shallow. The good stuff got erased. Oh well.***

Bella & Tom...I love you guys!!

Thank you so much for the responses and comments. Your words are truely a blessing to me. Sometimes you need to see it (hence why I have a blog) to comprehend it. Sometimes the Lord has to hit you over the head with the answers (hence your words Bella & Tom).

Here's a quick (or at least that's my intention) synopsis of the week...

• Starbucks was great, I got my spiritual "fill" that I have been seeking. At least for the week. I got a semi-appology from Robert for his inappropriate behavior and actions. Wow...a man admits he might be wrong...big step. I call it a semi-appology because he didn't say, I'm sorry Meredith, he just admited that he was wrong. As I said...big step. We ate dinner and throughout the evening, I realized that he's a good friend, we can talk bible, we can talk sports, (at least I try to), we can swap kid stories, but that's it. He's so anti-commitment and I jumped into this situation heart first. Then there was your comments Tom & Bella. Thank you. I REALLY needed to hear it for confirmation.
• My sis showed up at Starbucks to spy on Rob & I. Can you believe that after almost 1 year, he never met my family. HUGE deal. I live w/my sis and my other sis & mom live about 10 minutes from me. We are close in distance and emotion. another story, another time. At any rate, it was a little weird to have my sis there. Oh well.
• On Friday, doing a little research I found a church that has a ministry especially for children with Special Needs. They even go out to your car & help you with getting the kids out of the car! This is a HUGE deal when you have 3 toddlers. At our bible study, Robert mentioned this ministry. I feel like Rob suggesting that I attend this church was like God's way of hitting me over the head w/a 2 x 4....like go to this church; it was the 3rd suggestion to go to that church/ministry that very weekend. Rob even offered to talk to the pastor of the church for me to make certian that the kids and I had everything we needed to be prepared for church (sign ups for the kids and all). This was REALLY WEIRD considering his anti-relationship stance and all. I was touched by this action, but I still realize that there really nothing more to this than him being a good Christian. I'm so tired of acting tough that I'll gladly accept any assistance in any realm of my life. The fact that Rob knew this ministry makes me feel at ease about going because I think he has a gift of discernment when it comes to people or churches who pose as "Christian".
• Trey was approved for several benefits through the state!! Yeah! I have only been working with disability system of the state since 2001 when Trey was about 5 months old, he's now 4 years old! I am blessed to be in TX these benefits are not even available in Louisiana. Sure, it saddens me to have an official diagnosis of a "mentally retarded" child but he has lots of open doors for help and we can move on from here.
• I was strong enough to tell somebody no...I accepted just about any date, even if I didn't feel safe, partially my insecurity, partially me not wanting to hurt anybody not realizing that it hurts more for both parties to be in a relationship without merit or feeling or value.

Doesn't sound like much, but its been pretty cool week.

This week's goals

12 step program....I've never thought of myself as an addict, dependent or clingy but I am. No, not drugs, but affection and acceptance. Tom, I too "lost" my dad at the age of 10. I'll tell ya about that one later. Anyhow, I think that I was so happy that for once somebody was "dating" me, taking me to public places that did not involve alcohol or drugs. He's pretty good looking too...I never really dated much, and certainly not somebody who was a dreamy. Somebody who didn't have sex with me and still talked to me.

You are so right Bella, looks are not everything. That is so totally not me...my ex-husband was about 5', weighed about 300 lbs, had 0 social skills or couth and no sense of what a bathtub or toothbrush were. I loved him to death though. I guess it feels good to have an arm piece every so often. now I'm done with that.

Now, I feel Rob is like a drug. He made me feel good, I want to continue to feel good like I did a year ago when we met so I keep going back for more, I know he's not good for me, but I can't give him up. I think I need to approach this situation like somebody getting off drugs...the 1st step is admitting the problem.

Thanks again Tom & Bella...Love you guys!!