Pink Ink In My Think

I've had for almost a year...here's a little entry more about something other than you know who...

My 3 little ones are the light of my life. I think that was my recent obsession with YKW (you know who). All I wanted was to provide the best life for them, provide a family for them like I had, with a mom & dad, and sisters and going to ballet class, the whole bit. Although YKW is an awesome person, he has served his purpose. He continues to be a great influence in my life, but friends are good to have, and I have to continue to tell myself that. I kept focusing on getting a "normal family" that I overlooked something detrementally important...take care of my kids. By no means were they neglected but I now intend on dedicating more time and energy on them. They are just babies, they need me now more than ever!

Trey is my oldest. He still has a cherub face at the age of 4. He is so sweet, so loving. There is an innocence he will always have that I just adore. I love the way he looks at me with such love. so pure, so innocent, so honest, without pretense, so unconditional. I get so frustrated with him. The constant echolalia (that is echoing words and phrases), the constant whine when he gets frustrated, (which is often), the repetitive behaviors. I'll yell at him, then he gives me the big brown puppy dog eyes...who can resist? It puts me in check. I love him so much, and perhaps one day you'll read this Trey, never forget despite everything I love you.

Spencer, oh Spencer. What a little trip this kid is. He is silly and sweetness all rolled into one. Quite reminisent of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Funny, that was his dad's nickname. He is almost identical to his dad in behavior and attitude unfortunantely the temper to match with the hitting and pushing. Part of it is the 3 year old behavior, but part of it, I don't care what "experts" say, he has inherited that hot temper from his dad. Tahnk goodness the kids werequite small when their dad became physically aggresive with me, I can't recall him doing anything infront of the boys, but their dad hasn't been around enough for them to pick up habits. Spencer will protect you until the end if its in his heart. He doesn't let anybody pick on Trey or Mila and is quite generous with the hugs. He picks flowers for me everyday after school. The only man I can count on to give me flowers. :) Spencer, you make me laugh even when I don't want to. I love you for that! Even when I'm crying you'll come up and hug me and tell me the best way you can that "it's all right". I love you so much!!

Last but certainly not least...my lovely Mila. (Pronounced My-la) I always wanted a little girl to dress up and put big pink bows in her hair. I got a little girl all right, but don't bother with the bows because she'll rip them out. Don't take her purse away from her either because she'll punch you out. Talk about a liberated woman. At the tender age of 2, she stands up for what she wants...you go girl. Her determination and tenacity, wow, had I possessed just 1/4 of what this little girl does at 19, I would be a different person today. She will find a way to get what she wants when she wants it. Then she'll use her feminine charm and melt your heart with her smile. To me, she's absolutely stunning when she's serious and precious when she smiles. She'll be on that show America's Next Top Model when she's 21 or so. Her brothers will have to watch out for her boyfriends! She radiates love...she'll cuddle with anybody and is another one whose generous with the hugs. Mila, keep that determination and tenacity forever, don't let anybody tell you that you can't....show them that you will. your beauty shines from the inside out. I love you so much little woman.

All three of them are my pillars of strength. I love them more than anything else in this world. They the reason I wake up in the morning and exhaust me enough to help me get a good night's sleep (at times). Its so true what tehy say...when you become a mother be prepared to have your heart walk on the outside of your body...or something like that.