Ok, this is a total shout out! I have no idea how this entry will end up, all I know is that I need to vent now and walk into Starbucks in the next few hours with a clear mind and a pure heart.
So, if any of you have been following my little blog you know that from the beginning this blog was set up because I needed an outlet regarding my struggles. I had another little blog where I posted everything personal and not so personal about my life. My friend who is a teacher at an ultra conservative Christian school had some students who ran across the blog, started posting and boy oh boy did that cause some friction. I guess I should have some restraint and not kiss and tell, especially since this is the WORLD WIDE WEB. Oh, well, seriously doubt that will happen again. At least I really hope not!!
Ok, back to the issue at hand. I met my buddy and he was truely heaven sent. Athletic, smart, funny most importantly SPIRITUAL it didn't hurt that his looks were reminiscent of Humphrey Bogart and he sounds like George Clooney too. After a tumultous "stormy" divorce he was my "calm". I needed the spirituality and positive aura he presented. I needed his calming and controlled nature. When we first started seeing each other I adored every moment. For the 1st time somebody appeared to be concerned about ME, we did a little bible study which I totally loved. We studied because that's what I wanted, not because he ever pushed it on me. Soon, the respect went away, we got into these heavy petting sessions. Nothing bad, things were just not heading in a direction that I wanted to be in spiritually or otherwise. My idea now, is that I should not be away from my kids in activities, amongst undesirable company or in situations that were not productive or healthy.
Here we are, almost a year later. Recently I was told that he was not ready to be involved in my life spiritually. We haven't gone to church together because he doesn't want the pressure of possibly being in a commited relationship from his church family. I can appreciate this. He didn't want to go to church with me because he goes with his children. I can certainly appreciate this also. The last thing you want to do is involve your children in a relationship too soon.
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3 comments:
It sounds he was there for you when you neded him and that may have ben his only Role, that calm after the divorce. I mean after year it doesnt seem to slowly working in the spirituality every lil bit at a atime. Either he realy does need more time or there isnt anything more into it.
Hey just to comment a wee furhter, something more positive than my last comments, I know that taking care of your children comes first and sets you in thinking of here and now and makes relationship a wee more difficult than you, or anyone, would like. But realize that one day our earthly relationships won't matter as the one in heaven, with God. Then it will all be worth it. So even not finding that person and spiritual connection here and now. Keep everything you got and one day we will all be rewarded with something so much greater.
It's harder than it sounds as I am in the same boat, still rowing, but God loves to remind me of these things. And that's why I love him.
First of all, I can TOTALLY understand why you would be attracted to a Humphrey Bogart type----he's a god.
But looks aren't everything, after all.;)
I am not gonna preach, or pretend I know what you are feeling, but I will say this: You deserve better. Like I have said in the last comment I posted, God has a better plan for you. He has someone who will respect, love, cherish, honor and help you.
Be glad he's off your list. Don't waste anymore emotions on him. He's not worth it.
Love!
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